We never get wat we want!

Im leaving tommrow for P and me and D got into a spat last tuesday and she hasnt called since then...I think we are very much through. Oh well, Im sort of stuck in between the devil and the deep blue sea, if i stay here its putting up with joe but if i go away its putting up with an army twice as worse as joe. and on top of that i have to attend a wedding that very nicely fucked up my plans for a perfect summer. i dunt even talk to doot anymore, our relationship has changed so much since last year. i fel like i dunt even noe him anymore, hes changed to such an extent that i cant figure him out (like i cud do dat before) but thats besides the point. i have absolutely no business in P, just for ppl to start rumours and ask me how old i am every year....pisses the shit out of me.AND on top of all this, the lack of freedom kills me, and the lack of technology and the lack of space and the lack of cultural maturity and the lack of everythin else....previously i was happy that one thing it didnt lack was love but now im not too sure.
There are no parties, no guys, no fun- i mean yes even if there was its not what I want...and sigh who sed we get wat we want??
Yes, I noe, I sound pretty hopeless right now and the reality yes I am coz theres nothin to look forward to in P. sigh.
gotta run...
Thanks,
Nina