Jealousy = Envy = Desire.

Yes, right now envy has enveloped me as more i think of wat happend tonite. Bobby decided to take us out to dinner tonite- an event thats not rare yet its not very frequent. anyways, hes not divorecd yet but hes separated and now hes running wild with the girls. along with us he brought his new girlfriend- funny thing they both looked so fucking similar, the same physical makeup and all that!! i mean ya u tried that kind once well go for variety- well there are some things one never learns. and the more i looked at her the more envious i was!! yes, she was dating this hot rich man and she was pretty( tho it was all plastic- but who cares??) and i felt like shit looking at her!! i mean she had almost everythin a perso wud ask for! a gud car, a non-curfew life! sigh! u noe on the drive back i wud see ppl in cars and doing the regular chase and all that, their late night driving and all that and i was just swept over with this feeling of utter ealousy- oh how bad i want to be a part of all that action even tho i might not get anything substantial but i wanna run wild and crazy like we did 2 years ago with janine. and the funny thing is that i wanted to get out in TP.i dunno...i just wanted to be part of all the fun and the excitement and the flirtations and all that stupidity that comes along with the package and the risk of being caught and all that! sigh
like all the other things i want to do...this is just added to the list!
I just wanna breathe a little and i need to live the dangerous life that they are living.....and you noe y i do all this? its coz i think i wud find happiness in this...and it does give me happiness momentarily. its just sumthing to hold on- a shadow of the real thing!

Sigh,
Nina.