Canada EH??

Let me just add this one point that I think this summer was one of the best in my life where i shopped and partied and drank and clubbed and enjoyed and ate and wore and did as i pleased!

sigh....thinking about it makes me sad coz it was one the rarest oppurtunities in the world. I have nana to thank for this tho she dosent noe this or any of the stuff mentioned above or the fact that shes right 70% of the time....

I will someday go back to living like that- where i govern my life and wat i will do with it- i will either sink myself or float myself but the option lays in my hands!!

nina

The White House

Imagine my surprise when i found a comment today-nothing much but someone advertising their crap company! well firstly ppl's comments are always welcome but to come and make a crap ad for your own stupid site...umm NO!

I just realised yesterday that i have been down for nearly a month and everyday i kept telling myself tomorrow is gonna be better but it dragged on for a month!! and i noe exactly y and i cant do anythin about it as usual!! lol! sigh...i have been sick these past couple of days since comming....its a shit ass virus- naseau, fever chills and headaches and all that! so i was sleeping one night with a high fever and i dreamt of my GM's white house and the fact that we had all gathered der- us, oona and everybody else and nobody else seemed to be concious of the fact that the are reuniting in a house that no longer exists and im walking around in total joy and im smiling and thinking to myself that they dont know this house dosent exist and i knew dat somday we are gonna come back to it. and it all seemed sooo real, so tangible.

I keep going back to the house coz thats where we all belong. i keep going back to the past to live in the house that has shared so much. i keep going back to a house that i noe the inside and outside like a imprint in my head. every little thing and where it was kept and how it was arranged and how i loved it all!

they say home is where the heart is and i think my heart is in that house....

sigh

nina

Soupir!!

Well,
im back to lying and i dunt like it one bit!! and believe me the first chance i get im changing the lie into a reality- sort of like double jeopardy! where you get senteced for a crime you didnt commit but then if u escape and actually commit the crime that you are accused of, u wud be safe! smart, eh?
i hate joe and i hate evrything about him, i hate the thought of him and i hate the fact that i am his slave because of his money. i hate everything about him. i hate him to the last molecule in his body and the sad thing is if he were to die today, we wud have to move into the streets coz hes not even that rich, coz hes living generates all the reveneue and his lack of understanding is killing me bit by bit! Its actually difficult for me to fathom how somebody can love their joe! its like some distant feeling!
have to go.

Nina

WHY????

Wel well well.....imagine ma disspointment!! god i hate myself and i hate y these shit things happen to me! imagine i finally get my eye fixated on a guy and hes NOT single!! i mean wat the hell!
after one year i finally make a selection that is just OK and now hes not single....arrrrgh! gosh! im so frustrated right now. shit shit shit. maybe im destined to be stuck with the bum guys for the rest of my life and stay single! yes ma standards are pretty high but hey i finally like somone and hes taken!!!
WHY??
i mean why do i have to pick- out of all the guys i noe- the one that is not available! sigh! well gotta keep moving on and living my sad and miserable and sad and pathetic life that i lead right now!
i just hate it! man! i can imagine wat guys feel like when they noe a gurl is not single!
i guess i just want wat i cant have and the minute i have him i dunt want him anymore!
or maybe not maybe i just want him
i dunno wat im saying
aaarggggggh!

laters ppl

Nina

Im Back!!

well im back, i mean officially back; back to life as i knew it before i left. yes, back to the QC's. ma sleep routine is back and yes i have to meet up with a lot of people. god, i didnt noe i was so popular and with ma nights out of the question i have ma days which again is not bad coz ppl socialise 2 nights on a weekend and i socialise everyday! i have to meet ppl everyday i have to actually keep a diary now!
lets see, ders not much more to say except that im happy to be back at DAU and back where ppl surround me night and day-ppl dat i can connect to and can talk to. i think i thrive on people....
Ramadan is right around the corner and im so not in the mood to get all religious again and to starve myself. i need to believe in wat im doing and to me the act is becomming very useless but then again others do it all the time- other religions i mean.
Im trying to score with spring but dammit its so hard- he dosent make me weak at the knees but its still good that i finally made a selection out of this 100 and 1000 of people. i want him or much rather i need a male that can satisfy me, yes even tho i have immuned myself to the male touch i do still need a parthner or a companion to balance all that energy out.
gotta run!

Nina

I Feel Like Shit...

I had almost forgot that I had a Blog but then I was depressed and then it rang true coz this is where i come when im depressed which is almost 90% of the time. Oh well, right now i feel like shit which surprisingly happens quite a lot....believe it or not I have suicide lingering on my mind everyt time im depressed and more shit happens....right now thats my case. Im thinking and thinking. Maybe Ill just do it! Anyways, I feel like a prisoner that has to fill out a vacation form or leave form or watever the hell u call em everytime she wants to leave the house and that sux!! i swear I mean even if i was a prime suspect in a crime scene this wudnt be my case as everytime i want to step a foot out of the house, i have to give them all sorts of details like name, age, sex, colour, race, contact details and well halfway through I withdraw my request and sit at home and cry and feel miserable for myself!!
I hate him, i think that is going to be my motto for the rest of my life till I die or either he does!
I hate him for all the shit in my life and depriving me of a life and locking me up for the crime of living- in the literal sense of breathing and walking!
Just Had another fight with nana, as she has got zero tolerance over things thats she has not control over and ma dad is one of em but i had to talk to someone!

Im just depressed right now, very depressed....almost suicidal!!

I hate the people in the Dorms, I see them everyday when I have to go my shitty house to my family while they are all dressed up waiting to be picked up for a night of fun!!

Iam just so frustrated...coz i dunt have a guy and to think if i had a guy wats the point? I wouldnt be able to go out with him.....yup I DEFINATELY hate him and his guts. I hate him to the core...nana is no different mind you but at least you can get around here.

Anyways, me off to die
Thanks,

Nina